goodnight i made you a song goodbye
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
