It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
