She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
