We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
