It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Pants are for mortals
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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