you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
