Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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