I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
