I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
