____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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