normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Randomize
