how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
