we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
