btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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