Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
