So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
