I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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