I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
