God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
