Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
