Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
