Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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