tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
