I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
