just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Randomize
