when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
