if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
