I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
