the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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