The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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