I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
