I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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