you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just gargled with NyQuil
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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