we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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