So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
