I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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