guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
