She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
