Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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