Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
