how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
