lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
