I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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