Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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