North Korea, Best Korea!
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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