took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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