I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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