Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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