just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
