In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
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