Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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