It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
